Still A Catastrophic Me

Right before I hit the break and let everything sink in me,
I knew I entered a new life full of cries and laughter.

It was the exciting Grade 9 school year, were I get to meet new people,
learning how to adjust with them one by one.

Right from the start, I knew I was at a disadvantage, Why?

Because these people spent their 2 years together, building
strong bonds and unbreakable friendships. They already know
each other, and then I'm here, trying to fit in.

It was hard, as hard as accepting the fact that the boy I met
and became friends with left me in thin air. Yeah, sounds dramatic and gay

for a man like me to say things like this, It's just I don't
like the fact that, we became close and poof! Like a bubble disappearing

into nothing. And just like that, It put my social life to reset. Back to zero I guess

Fitting in was a challenge, together with the subject lectures
I was living in a poisonous killing sea of magma, trying

to devour my confidence, and enclosing me in my comfort zone again.

It was a living hell for my new class was full of random people. Sometimes, they

talk to me but that's just temporary. Nobody can't seem to accept me, not even a single one.

Festivals, School events, and many jolly and fun activities passed by,
I had fun times but life really is a game and I'm one of the players,
but the thing is, I always lose. Confident enough to stand again,
I continued.

As part of my hobby, I got a model and participated in the ICT Club's
Digital Photography Contest. I tried my might getting the best shots, I 

even borrowed a high-end camera just to

come up with the best ones, And guess what, we won First place!

There's this pageant I once joined, it's already my second

time joining one but still, my heart was a firetruck, pumping hardly 

on water to kill the pressure inside me. I'm not that attractive, but
I was shocked by the fact that I was chosen as Mr. Popularity.

Kamfilan Festival, it was fun. Our school level joined the ethic dance contest.
We practiced with all our might. At the end, our hardwork, and

days of cram is over as we received the first place award.

The fun doesn't end the, for Ma'am Maye told me that she welcomes me as a 

member of the SALIW dance troupe. (mixed emotions)

Halloween is one of my favorite events in October, besides my

birthday, I don't even wanna remember what happened on my birthday,
It just messed up my mind. So ya Halloween fair started, I took pictures
and it was very fun seeing the reactions of students in costumes
entering the horror house.

Let me quicken things a little bit, it was the start of a 

new year and we get to practice social dances for 

our junior senior promenade. My partner was a wild friend of mine

Diana Serra :D

The day the prom was executed, my heart was 

pounding the whole time, I just can't understand

why I can't join on a group's table of a squad and

talk to them normally. I was just quiet and things stirred up my mind.

School year was ending, and I knew I didn't improve. It's the same childish,

dramatic and playful me going on with life. But I met this person and he/she

help me get through my everyday struggle. I'm not saying were on the same boat but

he/she understands me clearly. I'm just scared. frightened that my greed could go take over anytime.

Back then, English was one of my least favorite subjects.

All those grammar and stuff, it's just make my mind

go boom. Not until my teacher, Ma'am Mildred C. Atendido,

introduced a new kind of English to me.

Every lessons reflects the problems I encounter with life.

Ma'am Maye helped me, not directly, but in a way

that her teachings about life hacks and quotation of important values

helped me.

Ma'am Maye was one of the teachers who inspired me. And believe me 

or not, this is the first time a teacher believed in my talent and

let me join a club called SALIW. That's why words can't express

how thankful I am that she believed in me.

Ma'am Maye is also a strong and active teacher. Not only interms

of academic related things but also things

that bring joy and good memories to people. As for now, she manages the 

SALIW and GSP clubs. Both are active and really helps other students to know

and expand their talents.

Ma'am Maye, even though I'm not one as close to you as Mark,

I am still thankful. Thank you Ma'am, for believing, for teaching, and for

showing me ways on how to live on and love myself together with my talents

and skills. Thanks you for every lesson you thought me, whether it's academically or personally. You have a strong personality Ma'am and that's why people and students respect you. Thank you Ma'am, for this wonderful year of teaching me new things in English class. Thank you for understanding and taking care of my old classmates, even though sometimes they humiliate you :D Thank you for everything Ma'am :D Take Care po :)

Rocky Roads To Sweet-Vanilla Endings

                We started as young beginners longing for knowledge about this world. We are novice juice makers ready to extract the juice out of this giant fruit. To succeed in this world is a combination of blood and sweat. Blood for the everyday sacrifices we make and sweat for the days and weeks of hardworks we do to attain our goals. For me, success is the fruit of all your sacrifices and hardworks. in order to attain success, we must possess some life traits that could help us be more successful.

                First of all, we need to establish a good and strong relationship with God. As the quote says "Everything is possible with God". God can help you do everything. His words can teach you life-worthy learnings and can really help you attain great levels of success. Go to church worship daily and keep a journal or bible verses and reflections to help you assess yourself every day and night. We also need to establish good relationship with other people, as to they will be the one who will help us in the long run as we enter the steps of succession of life. Overcoming mind battles is one of the key to succession. Mind battles happen just everyday. After waking up, starting work or even going to school. Mind battles is what we call those decision making. Decisions are the ones that'll predict our future and what faith awaits us as we go on in the long run. Being positive is another way of being successful. "You can't do this" "You're a drag in this community" "You don't possess every trait" "You can't be successful". Don't be brought down by this negative thoughts thrown by every person who wants you to be unsuccessful in life. Those so considered rivals of you who disrupts your progress in being a successful man. You are your story's main character, don't let secondary characters bring you down.
                                 

               Being successful in life requires you of different traits mentioned in the previous paragraph. Those may be one of your key to succession but to be sure, you have to possess all those traits. If ever you became a very successful man, don't ever forget where you came from and who are those people who helped you to reached that certain level. Don't be an airhead who boasts all his riches and things. Keep you humbleness and together with the good composure and positive look in life, you'll continue being successful.

A Parent's Substitute.

                   I once questioned my mother, "Mom, why do I need to go to school?". Then she answered me,"It's for your future son." Those times, I really don't get what "future" my mom was pertaining to. All I want was to play and have fun. But when I went to school, a whole new world was introduced to me. A new set of learning made my world a whole lot new.

                            As I go through my student life, I experienced so many realizations, and one of these realizations is the fact that teachers, my teachers, are always sacrificing, not only their time, but also their lives. Why? It's because for so many years, the only goal of their profession is to train and help students learn the basic to hard things in life. So as I go on with this student life, I would like to acknowledge the teachers for their ever supporting personality and for their hardwork.

Dear Teachers,

                  When I was young, I always looked up onto every profession I see which had a bigger salary, Doctors, Scientists, Attorneys, and all the other big professions. I would like to apologize, for looking down at teachers, until then I realized that without these teachers, all these big professions, won't be existing in this world of ours. Your hardwork and support made them there. Your everyday sacrifices helps us in widening of our knowledge and you also help us in our everyday struggles.

                      I can't deny that, every time you teachers introduce a new lesson, and it's hard, I tend to put teachers in my hatred together with the lesson. But I can say that as the lessons go by, I realized that you were the ones helping me understand these hard ones and I know I can use them for future use. Teachers, you are the reason why there are so many successful people. Mathematicians, Professors, Scientists, Philosophers, Poets, and all the other big professions are all thank to you. You supported them and us in attaining our goals, in discovering our talents, and you even push us to our limits to help attain us a new learning experience. I thank you, WE thank you.

                                                                                                                    Your Student,

                                                                                                                             Jamil Datu

Running Mate in My Endless Life-a-thon

I was once scared of the world, I fear 

socializing, making friends, crafting memories.

I was once a weakling. Physically. Emotionally.

I always choose to isolate myself.

The reason behind? Simple. I fear people.

As a result, people used to avoid me. I'm weird.

But you came. You step inside 

my comfort zone

and shattered the glass that encloses me.

You showed how wonderful the world 

can be. You let me experience 

how to laugh and smile,

despite the problems. You showed me how to 

expand my social circle. I don't know 

if its magic or not, but the fear I had

from the very start, 

was miraculously vanishing.

You're a brave and a talented person.

You never stopped learning new

things. You always explore new talents

you believe you can do.

You're a gentle person. You always

learn things step by step, and each step

you ensure that you should not fail.

You're just that great.

Misunderstandings,

 begin popping 

like mushrooms. The casualty turned us

against each other. We

didn't talk for a day, 

a week. It's hell for

me. I started hating

 the world.

I started hating myself.

A new school year

surprised me. 

I found myself

alone, looking for somebody.

I found myself lost.

I started coming back to

my glass-enclosed 

comfort zone.

And one day, I found myself, missing the times

we had together.

This may sound unusual,

but I wanted to be attached again.

I'm a lost boy. I tried

going back. I strive harder

each day, hoping that 

the bond that was once lost, will

be reanimated and be whole again.

Thank you, for dealing with my
everyday drama.
Thank you, for dealing with my
weirdest actions and responses.
Thank you, for understanding my
moods and mistakes.
We've been brothers ever since we've met.
We've been comrades ever since
we bumped each other on the battlefield called life.

One of my reasons
in thanking God for,
is meeting you. I wouldn't be my happy old 
self if you weren't there.
You're a brother, a friend, a partner,
a comrade,
an ally, a buddy. 
I know we're different, but God 
has his reasons why we still
tend to stick together even in the
hardest times. 
Once again, thank you for crossing 
and staying in my life. 
You've somehow changed me, for the better.
Arigatō

Today My Life Begins

                I know all of you already had an idea what my life is. Dramatic. Yes, my life is dramatic and full of tear-flooded events. I'm such a cry baby. I can't with my two feet supporting me. I can't walk straightly for I always lost my balance. My friends are getting annoyed to me for being so dramatic. I kept on apologizing to the because I can't even change the way I face life. I got to solve problems but then another problem appears. The struggles won't just leave me alone. 

                  I once decided to talk to myself. Face to face with a mirror. We had a deep conversation with each other. At the end. We agreed at one thing. CHANGE. I pitied myself. Why be alone when I myself could change. One of the challenges I faced was my social life. I'm a weak person when it comes to friendships. But change did a lot of things to me, I decided to be strong. Be strong but not hard-hearted. I diagnosed all of my problems, I made different kinds of solutions, and test them one by one, disregarding the fact that sometimes the solutions don't work, because I know that every error adds up to my bowl of knowledge.

                    Have you noticed the first song in my playlist? Yes, Today My Life Begins is the songs' title. I chose that song. Actually, that song sums up my life. I'm tied to the ground by the chains of problems, and challenges. But I chose to continue and live with my life. I am becoming aware of the changes in my surroundings. I know I can't keep people from changing but still I need to adapt and continue. I may be brought down by these challenges but I use the chains that bindi me to the ground to be my guide and to launch me high to reach my goals and learn more. I kept a promise to myself that I should never give up.

Oh just like all the seasons never stay the same

All around me I can feel a change (oh)

I will break these chains that bind me happiness will find me

Leave that past behind me today my life begins

A whole new world is waiting its mine for the taking

I know I can make it today my life begins

Steps to adapt with the challenges:

1. Diagnose the Challenges

  Know the challenge first. Know all the details about the challenge.

2. Formulate solutions

  Possible solutions. What I mean is think of all the possible solutions.

3. Trial and Error

  Test the solutions slowly. Don't get depress everytime you face an error because it will surely lead you to your goal.

My Legacy

         Honestly, I’m so desperate in making others remember me. I’ll do everything just to make him/her remember me. But it seems like every time I try to do remarkable things, I always end up screwing it or failing it. I don’t really know if failure and I are linked somehow because we are a tandem, we are always together. I don’t know if it’s just me or am I really changing?

        Legacy. A prestigious, luxurious, and classy word for me. It's like big mark that you will leave and a big mark left in hearts of people that’s carved by you, yourself. Actually, I really don’t know what legacy I would leave behind if I ever get erased or obliterated in this damn world. I’m not good at anything, I dance but not too great like Mark, I sing but not too amazing like ate Denize, I can act but not as serious as Diana, I’m also not good in academics. I’m just a person with a normal life as the others, waiting for hope that someday, they can shine and be in the spotlight.

  Since I am not capable of doing extraordinary things, all I can do is to be there for somebody, be there for everybody. That’s the legacy that I think is suitable for me and is what I am capable of doing. I’m pained, I’m useless, I’m weak, but I can stand up and be there for anybody. I can fill the empty spaces in your life. I can be your ideal friend, we can go in the canteen together, eat together. We can even go everywhere together. I can be a friend of anybody. A universal friend you can say.

       Being a friend is not the only mark I can carve in the souls of everybody. My freshmen years gave way to a new talent for me. Photography. I really don’t know why I’m so attached to the camera. Maybe because I like people to smile for me and create a great photo. I’ve witnessed a lot of happy and sad things as I enhance this new discovered talent of mine. The batch knew me as a photographer and I will live the life being a photographer.

      I don’t know if the things I mentioned were legit legacies, but those things are what I want people to remember from me. I want them to live with the legacy I contributed to the community. A friend who’s always there for you and a capturer who keeps and treasures precious memories. I like to be remembered that way. God has plans for me. I might be bruised and scarred but that won’t stop me from having leaving these remarkable things

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
-Jeremiah 29:11

Catastrophic Me

He saw this boy in school that he really want to

Make friends with, but the fear he had inside, he knew

He was afraid, that the boy might judge him, might

Not want to be friends with, might leave him

A new milestone sprouted, a new milestone of loneliness

A new milestone full of depression, a new

World was introduce to him, where everything was impossible,

Where everyone was hard to approach, where everyone leaves

It was hard for him, to socialize, to analyze everyone,

The past is going to repeat itself again he thought

The past was everyone was his friend, until everyone started to judge him,

 Then everyone started to go, leaving him to an endless pit of depression

But he was wrong, everybody became his friends

Nobody judged him nor leave him, they became good friends

To him, sharing fun times, going to the canteen together, everything

Was near perfection

Then he remembered that boy he wants to make friends with

He scanned the room in search of this boy, there in

The corner he saw the boy, as he approaches him, he

Felt a tingling feeling in his gut, knowing that he can’t do it

Day, weeks, months passed, he learns to appreciate

The happiness of the world, he’s starting to regain self confidence

He’s learning how to socialize, even though he’s still afraid

Of being judged, he still enjoys meeting new ones

The boy he wants to be friends with, started

To approach him, he became

Friends with the boy, he was happy, consumed by

His happiness, he now treats the boy as his bestfriend

All in his life he wanted a bestfriend, he wanted

Not only a companion but a true friend. Then he feared,

That what if the past repeats itself again, that what if everyone leaves

Him again, what if his bestfriend leaves him

Second year was yet to come, He was glad that he was with

His friends again. Young, wild and free, he was as

Happy as a chick ready to burst its shell

And see the brightness of the world

 Events, seatworks, groupworks passed, and the

Bond was getting stronger between him and his classmates

The type of bond sisters and brothers have, the type of bond only

True friends can have, the type of bond that can last forever

As he approaches maturity, he knew he loved his classmates, he began to learn new

Things, he began to meet new people, he began to

Know his self more, and with this revelations, he realized that,

He was still fragile, and still weak as a puppy that cannot dwell with the world itself

He’s still going on with his life, he had complications, he became

Hospitalized and lost hope but he still continued, his family supported him,

His friends assisted him, he became happy again, he and his

Friends had so much fun

But as the others say, nothing lasts forever

Every bit of his happiness was sucked in vacuum of regrets of Loneliness.

Regrets. Why? Because he didn’t did well on his studies.

Loneliness. Why? Because everybody was having fun and he should be there but he couldn't be

Counting the days of being a junior student, he was depressed,

He wore a masked, hiding the depression he had with a

Fake smile that tricks everyone. He wasn't happy, his jolly attitude was gone,

He knew he misses them, he knew that he misses the memories he made with them

The day of becoming a junior was hard for him, seeing his former classmates

Happy without him makes him depress and not worthy of any joy

He was starting to avoid them, making them not part of his life

Because thinking about them makes his heart drop and stop

He browse through social networks and saw photos of them,

Having fun, eating together, and sharing fun times together

But where is he? He was trapped in a void of depression

And only a mask of happiness can hide all of those

But then an event came, he was shocked

He found himself having fun with the guys he used to forget

He had the time to capture moments

He had another time to replenish the sadness he felt

Up until now he was happy, but still moving on from his past life

His best friend? Well, his best friend was still happy,

He and his best friend still talks every day in chat but rarely in personal

He avoids the thought that he’s being replaced but it can’t be helped

His life doesn’t end here, challenges may come but he may handle it

Base on the difficulty. Dealing with the new people he is with now

Is a challenge. He pursues his goal of smiling every day.

He's happy. He hopes he is happy.